In Sickness and In Health

As you know, I have been meditating on marriage and its true meaning to me. Continuing to meditate on this topic today, I heard the Lord say “In sickness and in health”. Now I know the most obvious understanding for this phrase is that if your spouse becomes physically sick you should be there for them and when they are in health you should do the same. However, there is a deeper meaning that most of us miss. “In sickness” could include mental and spiritual sickness.

Webster defines sickness as an unhealthy condition of body or mind. There are many that wrestle with mental and spiritual illness. I know my Bishop, Herman Bibbs, has stated a couple of times before that we all suffer from some form of mental illness. Mental illness can encompass many things. It could be the way we perceive or view situations and circumstances or our understanding or lack of understanding of life. Often times we have preconceived notions about life and the hand it has dealt us. Most of us have been taught with a margin of error that has been honored by God. Our parents did the best that they could and trained us according to their knowledge; but deliverance comes and with it a greater and true understanding.

As I began to review my background and the background of my husband, I could see similarities of dysfunction (mental and spiritual sickness). Whether you agree with me or not doesn’t matter but I can say of a certainty there was some level of dysfunction in yours too. The need to be loved and the lack of showing love being major ones. It wasn’t that I didn’t know I was loved but there was not much open affection shown in our home. The words, “I Love You” were seldom freely spoken. There wasn’t much hugging, kissing or terms of endearment so as a product of my environment I didn’t show them either. Needless to say, this dysfunction was transferred to my marriage. Now there were some things I didn’t gravitate to that were elements of my environment and I appreciate God for His grace and mercy that I didn’t. As God drew me closer, He made the necessary adjustment and I began to conscientiously show affection. Now you know we are creatures of habit and as we form bad habits we can form good ones. As I began to repeat these actions, they became a part of me.

Most often a lack of self esteem is another contributor to a dysfunctional marriage. As a child you may have considered yourself to be too tall, too short, or have a light or dark complexion. Being the brunt of flagrant jokes can give you a complex or bad outlook of yourself. However, it may have stemmed from words of discouragement from a parent or sibling. These words became constant dark clouds over your head that were fought and even brought a need to prove the incorrectness of the words. There is no need to prove anything to anyone. You were wonderfully made by God and He always sees the best in you.

Another form of dysfunction is morality issues. With the absence of not feeling loved, the need to feel and be loved can lead to seeking love in all the wrong places with all the wrong people (seeing sex as a demonstration of love). The lack of commitment is an activity that indicates this dysfunction exists. How can you be committed if you have never known or seen it in operation?

Balance also plays a role in dysfunction. A lot of marriages are not balanced. The formula for a balanced marriage is God, husband and wife. Most often, there is the absence of relationship with God or it may be one spouse has a relationship with God and the other doesn’t. The marriage begins in a spiritual dry place, a recipe for further dysfunction. In order for the two to become one, God must be present as only He can bring “a meeting” of the minds and hearts.

These were only a few examples of dysfunction. There are so many more; distrust, financial incontinence, insecurity… Even so, you made a vow; UNTIL DEATH DO US PART. Go to God in prayer and ask for His assistance as it is only He that can change YOU and then your spouse.